Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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