so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
