Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless

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(734): View more from Michigan

Pregnant stripper...not hot.

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(214): View more from Texas

It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.

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(850): View more from Florida

He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.

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(555): View more from

Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza

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(870): View more from Arkansas

APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.

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