So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
