Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
