I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
