The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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