i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
