i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
