wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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