dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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