I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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