I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
