Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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