Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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