Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
