if you like me you must not know who I am
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
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When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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