Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
