Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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