When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
