I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
