I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
