She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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