i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
