Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
