Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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