I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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