Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you guys were way drunker than both of me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
