I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
