fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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