i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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