So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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