I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
