her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
