i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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