Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
