I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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