What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
