I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
