Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
