K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
