I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
