If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
