Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
