they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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