all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
