I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
