Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
