hell yes lets make some ravioli
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
