I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
