i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
