So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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