i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
