Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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