Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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