Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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