Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
