Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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