nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
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Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
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An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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