I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
