I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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