fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
