is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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