Plan B is the new Plan A
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just sucked dick on a ferry
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
