yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just had sex on a roof
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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