Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
