You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
