p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
