I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
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My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
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Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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