I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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