YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
