i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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