I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
