idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
