Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
