hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
