..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
