i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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