my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
