So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
