So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
