when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
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no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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