i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
