I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
