I showed him my bush... on skype.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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