I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
