You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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