no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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