I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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