So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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